Clarity

Been a bit of a while since I last posted an update, and this was a totally unscheduled one, if I am honest, but I have just had a moment of absolute clarity; the kind that probably only comes around a few times in a lifetime…

Just said goodbye to Max, after spending pretty much all of our time together since Wednesday afternoon, we went to see Batman Live, and then I took him up to Manchester to meet the family and to show him around my hometown and to also take him to Pride.

I have realised just how much I like our relationship. Unlike relationships that I have had in the past, which have more often than not proved rather stormy in places, four months in, Max and I are still getting along amazingly well, there’s no drama, no arguments, no silly mind-games, no illusions – we’re just simply two chaps who love each other heaps, and enjoy snuggling up and doing geeky things! To say that it is ‘effortless’ would be a bad word, as of course we both put effort in to the relationship (arguably he more than I, as I, as I am sure many people already figure, am an absolute pain in the arse to try to keep reigned in; I get FAR too hyper and excitable hehe!!), but you get the drift! :D

Due to distance, we tend to spend a lot of time together in large blocks of time, such as long weekends, and the like – however, if you can find yourself missing someone not 30 seconds after they have left your space, having spent a continuous 100 hours together, then I really think that says something. I am very excited and chuft, and I am looking forward to seeing how this all pans out – but I have a very good feeling about this one, way more so than any other lad I’ve had a long-term relationship with in the past! :)

Spending time in Manchester has really helped me to focus on my longer term goals too. Long time friends, and online contacts, may remember that this time last year, I threw a huge wobbler and was pretty much ready to move my life back to Manchester, thwarted only by my inability to transfer my job back up North!

On reflection, after a fantastic few days back on my home turf, I have realised that I DO still, very much, want to end up back in Manchester, however, I have also now totally reconciled the fact that London is a means to an end, and that I may have to stick it out for the short-to-medium term future…. and hey, that’s totally manageable/do-able!

Going back home just as Manchester was in the grips of the I LOVE MCR campaign was absolutely THE best thing I could ever have done. Partly due to this outpouring of love across the city, and also as Max and I revisited a lot of places that used to be important to me, I totally fell in love with my city all over again, and the proud Mancunian surfaced so much, I cannot even begin to explain. It was like finding my identity again!

I am also really comfortable with my online presence at the moment too; I feel that I have a really good bunch of online friends at present, and some of the bad eggs have finally been weeded out. It’s hard to explain really, but I do inadvertently put so much of my life online, largely due to force of habit (I was social networking before most of you had even turned on an Acorn Computer, and I’m still only just 26 years old hehe!), and so, given I don’t seem to be the most popular person in real life (something I am trying to work on, and thanks to pals IRL who put up with me hehe!), it’s really amazing to have a whole mixed web of people online that I can relate to, and have fun with! :)

Hopefully, with this new-found clarity, direction and focus, I will take this and apply it to real life. Maybe set myself some goals and aims, and ensure that I am much more proactive in working toward these – as realistically, there is nothing that I cannot accomplish! (well, except teleport, but I’m totally working on this right now!! hehe).

Thank you for reading, and sorry if this sounded like some kind of ‘I want to convert you to my church’ thing – it’s not, but I would like to convert you to The Book Of Mormon-ism! hehe! (this musical remains swell, very much looking forward to a West End transfer heh).

Gari xx

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